My Shrinking Period (of Time)

I took a solo day trip to Vail last weekend. In the Before Times, that would have been extremely ordinary; a regular occurrence. Not scary. Not a big deal.

I’ve traveled solo to Europe, Mexico, Ecuador, India, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, and Uganda, on multiple trips over the last few decades, and more recently have done a couple of 3000-ish mile solo road trips around different parts of the US.

 

 

 

The Panic Attacks + Other Symptoms

A little over a year ago, I flew to DC for technology policy advocacy conversations. I drove the nearly three hours to Denver International Airport, got to my gate, and cried. I wasn’t sure I could get on the plane. This was the first of a series of panic attacks. I have a long history of navigating anxiety, like at least 33 years of that at this point, but the panic attacks were new at 46.

Right around this time, my life began to shrink.

A couple of months earlier, a whole bunch of scary symptoms coalesced around the same time. Uninformed doctors lacking empathy dismissed my thoughts around perimenopause and instead sent me down paths to eliminate MS and other things as possibilities. (This should be a yes, and, conversation, not a no, but conversation. I understand that medical professionals have a responsibility to rule out the worst cases of things, and at the same time, that should be informed by real data and likelihoods and handled with care.)

My anxiety subsequently spiked in a way it hadn’t since my oldest kiddo was born in 2010.

A couple of weeks later, my family and I drove down to Austin for me to attend a conference and to visit family. On our way home, at a stopover in Amarillo, I made an ER visit, accompanied by another panic attack. (Side note, this freestanding Amarillo, TX ER was one of the best medical experiences I’ve had.)

When we got home in late May, my anxiety shifted to my upcoming, delayed for more than a year, and first ever colonoscopy. I felt terrified about general anesthesia, being 27 years removed from my only ever general anesthesia experience when I had my wisdom teeth removed.

As popular internet wisdom says, the prep truly was the worst part.

The Changing State

At this point, my body started shrinking, too.

I lost a handful of pounds through that prep, but that kept going because a couple of days later, I went back on birth control to try to manage all of the perimenopausal fluctuations. I completely lost my appetite for weeks and had to force myself to eat. I ended up quickly dropping about 15 pounds, looked better than I had in decades, but couldn’t even enjoy it because it wasn’t healthy weight loss and I was a mess on the inside.

I cried myself to the grocery store, to my wheel throwing class, during meditation, and sometimes from one work call to the next…

My body didn’t love the ring, despite my best efforts to make it to the 3-month trial/adjustment period for hormonal solutions. It just wouldn’t stay put. It fell out for the last time after about six weeks.

And then there was the aftermath.

I had been sleeping just fine before that. The week I stopped it and for months after that, I experienced terrible insomnia. I did all the things they tell you to try to “fix it.”

I quit my occasional alcohol use, dropped my caffeine intake , started spending 10-15 minutes outside at sunrise and sunset to try to regulate my circadian rhythm, started meditating twice a day, walked two 3-mile loops around town most days, went for acupuncture, saw a therapist, bought a vagus nerve stimulator device, a Sleep Pod, and a weighted blanket. I tried Calm’s Sleep Stories. I switched from the ring (segesterone acetate & ethinyl estradiol) to a birth control pill (drospirenone and estetrol), with a different combination of hormones.

A Puppy Named Turbo

Nothing helped. Until we brought home our Corgi pup, Turbo. It’s important that this site provides you with evidence-based and credible information. But the truth is, I can’t explain why I finally started sleeping better when we got a puppy. Maybe it’s coincidence because the BCP had finally gotten out of my system. Or it was finally cooler in our house (no A/C at 8000 ft. here.) Or maybe it was something else. (Research seems to be mixed.)

Despite getting up every couple of hours to take him out, the sleep between the cold November nights was restful and less anxious. Maybe it’s exactly because I had to get out of bed that I slept better. (This aligns with CBTI recommendations, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia.)

While it’s now into summer of 2025, my sleep patterns have (fingers crossed) remained stable.

Boo, Insomnia + Anxiety

Insomnia can be one of the most triggering perimenopause symptoms. It becomes a vicious anxiety-inducing cycle. Everything you read reminds you of the importance of sleep as a foundation. We might find ourselves saying, yeah, we fucking know it’s important. But that doesn’t help us solve the problem.

Insomnia and anxiety make for a terrible partnership.

While my life shrunk for around eight months, thankfully, it’s been in expansion mode for the last several. While I don’t quite feel back to my pre-fluctuation self, there is more of that. I am less consumed by anxiety these days.

Building a Better Perimenopause Provider Search + Finding Help

It is this part of my perimenopause experience that’s motivating me to build a holistic, perimenopause-informed healthcare practitioner search.

In the meantime, if you are struggling to find the care you need (in the US), the best interim solution is to search for a Menopause Society Certified Practitioner near you. For mental health support, try searching Psychology Today, Therapy Den, or LunaJoy. The Neurodivergent Insights Resource Page is another incredible directory. (Menopausey is not directly affiliated with any of these, just finds them helpful.)

You are not alone. Menopausey is here for you.